How to Rebuild Trust After Even the Worst Type of Betrayal

Trust is very delicate. Knowing how to rebuild trust after having it destroyed will take some time and effort. Here’s how to heal and move forward.

You all know how important trust is in a relationship. Without it, there’s no hope for a happy, healthy continuation together. But sometimes things happen that can hurt the trust between the two of you. If you learn how to rebuild trust and have faith in your partner again, your relationship can heal.

But it’s not always that easy. Trust isn’t something you can just magically rebuild. You need to put a lot of work into it. That means both people need to be working together in order to make it happen.

When trust is lost, you can’t just ignore it

Many couples think they can just talk through the problem and everything’s better. But it doesn’t really work like that. Trust is a lot more fragile than it seems sometimes. If your partner cheated or was talking bad about you behind your back, it takes more than a simple conversation to get through it.

Ignoring the fact that the trust between you two was damaged will only make things worse. Yes, you need to talk about what happened and come to a solution, but you also need to talk about how to proceed with restoring trust.

How to rebuild trust after even the worst betrayal

It might be really hard to do, but it is possible to rebuild trust. The only thing you really need in order to do it is two willing people. If you don’t want to trust again, you won’t. It’s that simple.

But if you DO want to learn to trust your partner again after a huge betrayal, this is how you can do it.

#1 Talk out the problem in full. There’s clearly a problem that set everything off. You have to sit down and discuss it together in full. You can’t just talk about it for a short minute and be done with it. That won’t solve anything.

Yes, it’s hard to do but in order to rebuild trust, you need to do it. Tell them how you feel and exactly what’s going through your mind. Only then can you both move forward and work toward rebuilding what you once had. [Read: 10 big problems in a relationship and how to fix it]

#2 Figure out if you actually CAN rebuild it. This has everything to do with discussing if both parties want to work things out. When it comes to knowing how to rebuild trust, you need to realize that if one person is going to put forth all their effort, the other has to be willing to do the same.

If one person has already given up, there’s no hope for rebuilding. The problem that caused the trust to break in the first place might not be forgivable, either. It’s up to the two of you to sit down and figure that out.

#3 Voice your expectations. Rebuilding trust is a tedious process. You both have to be willing to meet certain expectations you may have never had to do before. If there was cheating involved, one person might request that the other call them here and there.

You both have to understand that things will have to be different for a while so the trust can be built back up. And that means meeting the expectations needed in order to make that happen. [Read: How to manage your expectations in a relationship]

#4 Communicate regularly. If you truly want to know how to rebuild trust, you have to talk about how you’re feeling. If you’re upset about something your partner did that made you not want to trust them, tell them about it. Discuss it deeply so there’s a strong understanding of why the trust is gone.

This way, you’ll both be able to understand what the other needs and also what’s hurting them the most. When you know these things, it’s much easier to heal and move toward a place of trust again.

#5 You both have to do what you say you’re going to do. Now is not the time for empty promises. Don’t tell your partner you’re going to take them on an incredible date only to stroll in the door two hours late without an explanation and ditch your plans for the night.

That will keep the trust far, far away. Stick to your word. When your significant other can rely on your word, they’ll start to have faith in you and trust you again. [Read: How to regain your partner’s trust after you’ve lied]

#6 Work on developing your relationship emotionally. When you lose some trust, you grow apart. You’re not at the same emotional level as you were before and that’s toxic for your relationship.

Work on growing closer together. This might be difficult due to a lack of trust but you can do it if you make an effort. Talk about your day. Ask them questions that’ll show them more about who they truly are. Have deep, intense conversations. Bond more and you’ll find trust will come back.

#7 Maintain a healthy intimate life. This isn’t just sexually, either. You have to work on allowing yourselves to be vulnerable with each other. That’s how trust is formed and that’s how you’ll rebuild it. Open up and talk about your fears and wants and desires. Being intimate in this way helps you both realize you can trust the other with your secrets.

#8 Avoid triggers. There are certain things that set your partner off and upset them. If you’ve lost trust in the relationship, you have to be especially aware of those things so you can avoid them.

Don’t be out late at night and not text your partner back if you know that makes them really mad and suspicious of you. Check in with them and communicate. Avoiding triggers will help smooth things over so you’re not reopening old wounds you’ve spent so long healing.

#9 Pay attention. It’s a really simple concept that many people just don’t do enough. Focus on your partner and pay attention to their wants and needs. You might not think this will help with trust, but it will.

You’ll be more aware of how they’re feeling and the ways they’re reacting to different things. This is a fantastic thing because you’ll see when they’re upset and can talk to them about it if they have a hard time opening up.

#10 Give it time. Trust might be an easy thing to have until it’s broken. After it’s been lost, it can take a very long time to build up again. It’ll take both of you proving yourselves to the other, depending on what happened.

You have to be patient. If there’s still a lack of trust a few months down the road, you can’t get upset about it. Continuously work on building a trustworthy relationship and over time, you’ll see how strong your trust has grown.

Knowing how to rebuild trust will help you in life more than you think. If you’re going through a rough time with a friend, family member, or significant other, these tips can help you heal and recover that lost trust.