What to Look For in a Guy: 20 Things That Matter Beyond Looks

Physical attraction can bring two people together, but that doesn’t always make for a healthy relationship. Here’s what to look for in a guy.

We all have that guy in our life who makes our heart go pitter-patter. The problem is that sometimes what the body wants – and what is good for us – are two completely different things.

Sexual compatibility is only one part of being in a successful relationship, but we often put too much stake into it. There are people who we have so much chemistry with that sometimes it can cause an explosion – literally.

But don’t assume just because you want to grab them every time they are around, they are the perfect guy for you.

The way to know if someone is the perfect mate is to find a combination between your best friend and someone you want to sleep with. Now THAT’S what to look for in a guy. Sounds easy enough, right? But it isn’t.

If it were easy, then all marriages would last. Sometimes you have to listen to that inner voice, even if you don’t want to. Find those really important qualities that may not seem like a big deal upfront.

Remember, the man you choose for a lifetime will need to be there to support you through the big and little things in life. Make sure that he is up for the challenge and can give you what you need to make your life fulfilled.

Here is what to look for in a guy

#1 A “roll-with-it” attitude. When life throws you curve balls, which it undoubtedly will, you want to find someone for the long term who knows how to take lemons and make lemonade, not the opposite.

Finding someone who doesn’t take things, or themselves, too seriously will save you a lot of heartache in the future. There is nothing worse than constantly having to be a cheerleader or a cruise director because your guy is way too serious. 

#2 He isn’t controlling. You want a guy who likes to take charge, but if he is all about controlling everything, that is going to become very old, very quickly. Control freaks never stop their ways. They like things just a certain way, and that is what they want – period.

Controlling personalities are very difficult to live with forever. This is one of the most important partner qualities, if you’re wondering what to look for in a guy.

#3 He respects your dreams. So you want to be a princess? It may not be realistic, but if it is a goal for you, then you want to find someone who is willing to support you and your decisions. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices to get the things that we want out of life.

If you are constantly helping to foster his dreams and forgetting about your own, you are going to wake up one day feeling as if life has passed you by and resent not following your own path.

#4 He isn’t a momma’s boy. Sure, you want a guy who has a good relationship with his mother, and, of course, someone who respects her. But, if you have a guy who can’t make a decision without mulling it over with mommy, that is not going to make for a happy relationship.

When you form a partnership with someone, then there are only two of you. A momma’s boy can’t ever put his wife in front of his mommy, because, well, it is his mommy. 

#5 He is sweet, but isn’t afraid to tell you the truth. You want someone who is nice to you, but who isn’t your “yes man.” Being honest with someone isn’t always an easy thing to do, but in a relationship, it is necessary.

If you ask him if you look fat in your jeans, he had better say “no.” But, if you ask him if you should just go tell your boss to f-off, you need someone to calm you down and tell you what an adult should do for real.

#6 He challenges you. The man you want to be with is someone who brings out the best in you and makes you a better person. That means that they not only make you feel good about yourself, but they also push you to do things that you would not without the support they lend.

Always asking for the best from you, they know what you are capable and expect the best “you” possible.

#7 He has respectful and normal friends. You might not think that this is what to look for in a guy. But when you are together with him, you are going to have to deal with his friends. That means when you go out, you have to go out with them, or he is going to go out alone with them.

You don’t want him to have the type of friends who are about nothing but one night stands, or the ones that encourage him to make bad decisions.

If you think that his friendships are not going to be important to your overall relationship, think again. They are a bigger bug in his ear than you think. 

#8 He is motivated. This is definitely what to look for in a guy. People don’t typically change. If you think that he is going to go from the fry guy to CEO, you may be overestimating his potential.

The guy who you want to be with is someone who is motivated. And even if he doesn’t know exactly who or what he wants to be right now, you have faith that he is intelligent enough to do whatever it is that he sets his mind to.

#9 He is passionate. You want a guy with color. What does that mean? You want a guy who has emotions and isn’t afraid to show them in an appropriate way. I don’t mean that he can cry at chick flicks, I mean that he has a passion for things.

He has standards, beliefs, and enthusiasm for certain things in his life. A guy who doesn’t have a passion for anything is hard to be passionate with.

#10 Someone not too stubborn but has an opinion. You want someone who has an opinion. When you ask what would you like to do, the guy who says “I don’t care” over and over again is going to get old.

If someone never has an opinion about anything, then they really aren’t engaged in life, or with you.

#11 He wants to take the protective role. Protective is not controlling. The protective role means being the guy who has your back at all times. They are the one to swoop in and save you when you need them to. Always looking out for your best, he is willing to fall on the knife to protect you if that is what it takes.

#12 He cares about your emotions. Most guys get all weirded out by emotions. If you want to find someone who you can spend your life with through good times and bad, it is important that he is capable of dealing with your emotions.

He shouldn’t belittle them or make you feel like you are overreacting or being silly. Even if you are, you want someone who can acknowledge that and talk you down.

#13 He is willing to share across the board. The guy you choose should be willing to share everything, not just his finances, but the responsibility for both the house and child rearing if you want to have a family.

Sharing everything means being open, honest, and forming a true partnership with your mate. 

#14 He is affectionate. You might not want the PDA King, but a little affection is nice to have. Someone who will grab your hand to cross the street, can recognize when you need a hug, or will reach out to you when you need it will be a blessing along the journey of life.

#15 He can communicate his feelings. If you can’t have a meaningful conversation about how he feels, that is never going to change. It isn’t that you want a guy who tells you everything and chit chats about trivial things (that is called a girlfriend), but you should, at a minimum, be able to talk about how you feel about each other without him getting all stupid and silent.

#16 Has similar interests. It may not seem like a big deal if you don’t have anything in common or any common interests now, but if you don’t have anything you like to do together besides having sex, there is no glue that binds.

When you are two very different people, you are going to have a hard time sharing your lives together. Different interests lead to growing apart over time. Just in case you didn’t know it, this is definitely what to look for in a guy. 

#17 Is of the same political affiliation. Studies have proven that couples who have different political ideologies have a harder time staying together. The reason is that the political party you most identify with says a lot about your perspective on life. Opposites may attract, but they have a much harder time staying together.

#18 He likes your family and friends, and they like him. When you marry someone, you marry their friends and their family. If you can’t stand being around his family now, just wait until the holidays come around every year.

You will be arguing about what to do and whose house you are going to go to. 

#19 He is willing to sacrifice when necessary. Finding a guy who is not selfish is not only difficult, it is critical to a happy union. Most guys want what they want and aren’t willing to give in. To be a couple, you have to meet somewhere in the middle – not sacrifice. You want to find someone who is willing to compromise. Oh yes, this is what to look for in a guy. 

#20 He cherishes you. Most of all you want to find someone who believes that you are the best thing that ever happened to him and, without you, he would be lost.

Not every guy is going to admit it, but you can tell in the way he talks about you when you aren’t there, the way he looks at you, and the way he treats you. You deserve the very best, so don’t ever settle for someone who doesn’t think you are as amazing as you are.

Things that don’t seem like such a big deal now can become major problems down the road. If you still aren’t sure what to look for in a guy, make sure you are choosing the right guy for your future, not just your fantasy.